Joy from Sadness

Where does Joy come from? A new dress, a home, something new to put in your house, a date, a job, a perfect back hand spring? All these things make us happy, but they don't bring true joy. What brings us true joy is a heart that is His, A heart that is broken, contrite, a heart that seeks Him daily. 

Lately I have been full. Not full of food but full of gratefulness. Grateful for the path that He  is leading me on. Two years ago, I was sad. 

Sad , that my world had been ripped up, pulled apart and torn away.

Did I sin? Did I bring Him honor?
I kept asking myself those questions.

 Where had I gone wrong, how could I have missed His leading.
 I didn't want that life and I didn't want this life either. All I could think about was ending my life. I became so depressed and that overshadowed everything in me. My world became dark, I was helpless, I sought Him harder and looked deeper, I searched everywhere; Books,  radio, my church, my husband, but I didn't find Him in any of those things. However,  over time He has healed me. I stand here a changed person. A person that is more ready to listen, a person that is less of me, 

less of what I have and a person that NEEDS HIM. 

How did He change me? In that still small voice of love.Through His word.  He changed me through a small group of women that loved me when I came to Bible study every week, desperate. He changed me through a sweet lady that listened to me pour out my heart week after week. He changed me by giving me the worst boss imaginable. He changed Me by taking away my home, the quietness of a gentle life 

and made me learn to be quiet in the situation that I was in.

I didn't find Him in a book, in a movie, in an outfit, in a meal, in a perfect relationship with my family, but holey and completely becoming His.  He gave me a new outlook on life, a New perspective.

Did it hurt those around me? Yes. Did I scare my kids to death? yes.

 Did they see me being real? yes. Did I mess up? yes.

But just like David when He was caught in sin, and tried to cover it up, He was broken and then confessed and then became more dependent on God, everyday.

What about tomorrow? Only He knows. What about today? Only He knows. 

So, I search for Him. I want to know Him more.

 I want to love Him more.

 Sometimes we find life  when we let Go of our own wishes and desires and  just jump into His arms.

Not holding back, with no fear. 

Then He alone can give us true joy!